At some point during the rise of the hookup culture, the popularization of the 3 a.m. booty-text, and the relative decline of the traditional date, romance went out the window. Somehow the idea of falling hopelessly in love like they used to in the movies is becoming more of a pleasant idea than a recurring reality. In today's world of nebulous romantic connections, the old mantra "first comes love, then comes marriage..." seems almost laughably archaic. With this mindset coupled with the fact that the divorce rate of our parents' generation is at around 50%, it's no wonder many of us are losing hope for that fairytale ending.
In a recent editorial for the GW Hatchet, Kelsey Rowher suggests that the unrealistic optimism of Disney movies is what started the attitudinal deterioration surrounding marriage that contributed to the failure of one out of two of them. The beginning of her argument makes a lot of sense. It isn't surprising that many give up when faced with the harsh reality that marriage isn't as easy as happily-ever-after. However, in light of some recent conversations, I'm not quite as gung-ho about her suggestion that our generation may be saved by the element of realism introduced into many of the newer Disney romances.
During a discussion about marriage and divorce, my best friend's roommate light-heartedly proclaimed, "your marriage license should just be up for renewal every few years." I was admittedly a little taken aback. This concept is clearly a far cry from "til death do us part." If anything, an idea like this indicates that our generation is even more jaded than the previous one. We've made a mental distinction between marriage the theory and marriage the reality. Yes, we'd like to have confidence in the romantic roots of the institution, but somewhere in the back of our minds, we've made our peace with marriage as a piece of paper and a tax break that all too often ends with lawyers and alimony checks. The cynicism runs just a little too deep to be remedied by revamped Disney plotlines, no matter how realistic.
We don't need to revise the portrayal of marriage in order to save it as an institution; we need to revise what marriage means to us. Even if Prince Charming didn't have more important things to do than sweep you off your feet and onto his white horse, you probably have more important things to do than to wait for him. Moving away from the mindset of "wedded bliss" and toward the concept of marriage as a support system that needs to be diligently maintained may very well be its salvation.
-Alex
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good post. good points.
ReplyDeleteonly thing i would add is that the institution of marriage is a hypocritical one-until it is extended to all. If we're going to have a discussion about re-evaluating our conception of marriage, that's also something that should be included in every discussion.
You're absolutely right, although I think (or I hope) that the fact that marriage is not extended to all is a function of the fact that the political arena is still dominated by the generation before us. A lot of their ignorance stems from their inability to conceptualize marriage in the context of today's social and romantic attitudes. I think as our generation starts to have more influence, we'll start to see the policies change.
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